When should you be setting expectations?

My whole life I have been fed the rhetoric of not setting your expectations because it leads to disappointment. I have honestly managed to master it, I have been floating around life with no concept of how I wanted my day to go. 

Then I decided to start this self improvement grind, eating healthier, going to the gym, being more sociable, and getting ahead in my career. All of this quickly led to a “it’s never good enough” mindset. Yes I ate healthier, but I also had a cookie today. Yes I was more talkative at work, but I didn’t talk to everyone on shift. Yes I wrote another page for my book, but I also need to complete that certification and find an internship. My mind quickly became a very negative place. 

Then I realized that there is no winning if there is no finish line. In order to feel accomplished, I needed to be able to describe what it was I wanted to accomplish. I have started a thing that I like to call “anticipating my day.” I write out what I am going to do for that day the night before. In the past, I created a goal of waking up early, but when my alarm went off, in my sleep induced headspace, I asked “what’s the point? Why am I getting up? What am I even going to do if I wake up?” Then proceeded to sleep till noon. 

Anticipating your day is more than creating a to do list, it is more a description of your existence, and it is significantly more motivating. Creating more aesthetic moments in your day will generate more excitement, for example: 

“I wake up at 7am, turn on mood lighting and meditation music then answer emails. I get up, do my morning routine, and go to work. At work I start at least 3 conversations with co-workers. After work I make a healthy salad for dinner that I eat by candle light. I then go to the gym in a super cute outfit and listen to wellness podcasts while doing a 30 minute leg day, then go to bed before 10pm.” 

By setting your expectations like this, you know exactly what you need to accomplish today in order to be proud of yourself. When setting these exceptions though, you should be mindful of if you are setting these expectations for yourself or others. The aforementioned quote is meant to apply to situations where you anticipate things that are out of your control. You can control whether or not you go to the gym today, but you can’t control whether or not he will FaceTime you tonight, or whether or not your kids will behave, or whether or not you get the promotion. 

All that you can control are your actions and life is hard enough without an internal stream of “you’re not doing good enough,” so do yourself a favor and start figuring out what “good enough” looks like for you.